UK Closes Loopholes: "Humanitarian" Visas Under Suspicion

The UK has decided that "humanitarian generosity" is turning into a humanitarian loophole: thousands of foreign nationals enter on student or work visas and then—oh, surprise!—apply for asylum. The government suspects that such applications are not always backed by persecution or a passionate love of English tea.

Now, immigration authorities plan to tighten the screws: it will no longer be so easy for asylum seekers to change their status from within the country. According to The Times, the scheme is widely used by people from South Asia and Africa. And while few are truly interested in studying at Oxford, British cities are breaking records for the number of "scholars" arriving with suitcases.

The Home Secretary noted: "We support those who genuinely need protection, but not those who use visas as a ticket to free asylum." Critics of the reform are already predicting new traffic jams at Dover, while students now promise to study the "British art of survival" instead of the English language.

While humanitarian visas are becoming more of a dream than a reality, those wishing to reach the misty Albion will have to recall real reasons for asylum—at the very least, a centuries-old love of rain and English humor.