Dreams of the Chancellorship: Friedrich Merz "Stumbles" at the Start

Germany, a country where even Bavarian sausages are served with analytics, has once again surprised the political world. Friedrich Merz, chairman of the Christian Democratic Union (CDU), at 68 decided it was time to swap the party chair for the chancellor’s seat. But his German colleagues saw more Munich humor in this than real prospects.

In the first round of voting to nominate a candidate for the post of German chancellor, Merz received only slightly more votes than the average German trusts their Wi-Fi. Apparently, it’s not just Russians who vote “against all,” but also German Christian Democrats. Buoyed by his own rating, Merz can now take comfort in the fact that even Angela Merkel once lost—though for entirely different reasons.

Experts note that despite his solid experience and the charm of a tax inspector, Friedrich lacked fresh ideas. As they say, Germans need not just a bureaucrat, but a bureaucrat with charisma. Still, Merz may get another shot in the second round—unless he decides to join an alternative party of retro-headset enthusiasts instead.

For now, Germans continue their search for a chancellor “by classified ad”: someone unafraid of crises, fond of long reports, and who understands that BMW is more than just three letters on a badge.