How to Make Money with Crypto Even If You Know Nothing (and Don’t Want To)
Published:
A guide for the lazy, the clueless, but very ambitious: how to make money with crypto in 2025 without ever opening a chart.

🪙 Chapter I. Crypto Is a Cult
If it feels like everyone around you has already made a ton of money with crypto, you’re right. That’s what they say in their stories.
And if you’re not in on it yet, don’t worry: they didn’t understand anything either. They just bought a meme coin, forgot the password—and got rich. That’s the strategy.
📉 Chapter II. Trading Is for Masochists
You thought trading was like playing Minesweeper, but for money? Almost.
You buy in at $40K—it drops to $25K. You sell—it jumps to $60K.
Add coffee, insomnia, “guru” signals, and you get the classic formula for “how to lose your apartment.”
Solution:
📛 Don’t trade.
✅ Go long-term.
💤 The perfect option: buy, fall asleep, wake up a millionaire. Or broke. But calm.
🪜 Chapter III. Steps for Beginners (The Ladder of Absurdity)
Downloaded Binance / Bybit / OKX—congrats, you’re 40% closer to losing your money.
Bought BTC or ETH—that’s fine. It’s like buying an apartment at the foundation stage.
Started staking—now you’re earning +4% per year, like a bank, but without insurance.
Installed Metamask—now you have a wallet. All that’s left is to put money in it. Good luck.
Bought a coin named DOGE, PEPE, or GRIMACE—you’re officially in crypto now.
🔐 Chapter IV. What Not to Fall For
“Invest in a token that just launched!”—that’s called a rug pull, not an investment.
“We have a course, only $200”—if they knew how to make money, they wouldn’t be selling a course.
“Signals in Telegram”—90% of them just throw a coin in the chat so you’ll buy and the price goes up. Then they dump it on you.
💼 Chapter V. Can You Make Money Without Knowledge?
Yes. You can. But you won’t make much. You’ll just:
buy bitcoin on a dip,
not touch it for years,
check it occasionally to complain.
Also:
you can earn with crypto cards (spend = cashback in crypto),
play P2E games where you farm coins for $0.0005 an hour,
join a DAO—but no one knows why.
🧘 Chapter VI. How Not to Lose Your Mind
Crypto isn’t about “getting rich,” it’s about “not dying from panic.”
Your task:
Don’t check the price every 30 minutes.
Don’t sell when “everything crashes.”
Don’t buy when “everyone’s buying.”
And most importantly—don’t fall for those who say “now is the best time.”
🧠 Epilogue: Who Makes Money in Crypto?
Those who got in back in 2013.
Exchanges—on fees.
Bloggers—on views.
You—not yet. But there’s a chance.
💡 Want to Start Small?
Buy $20 worth and forget about it. It’ll either be your best investment of the year, or your cheapest lesson in financial literacy.
Parmegano
Author