Zelensky, Llamas, and Cyber-Tractors: How Not to Turn Into a Boiled Egg After Six Years of Reforms

On May 20, 2019, the Ukrainian people, with a level of trust usually dangerous for kitchen outlets, elected Volodymyr Zelensky — a "regular guy," a "servant of the people," a man with not only a sense of humor but also an unopened conscience.

Exactly 6 years have passed, and here comes 2025: not just a summary, but an autopsy without anesthesia. Don’t turn off the lights: this is not a report — this is an autopsy report.

Promises: Hollywood Is Nervously Smoking

Zelensky started out with slogans straight from a script of a parallel “Oscar-worthy” reality:

• We’ll stop the war

• We’ll jail the corrupt

• We’ll reform the courts

• The economy will take off

• We’ll shake hands with Putin — and peace will come instantly

• One term — and home in slippers

The main thing: May will be for barbecues, because “no war.”
Spoiler: Didn’t even need the charcoal…

17 Promises — One Fulfilled. Cunning, Isn’t It?

This is how it looked:

1. Peace in Donbas → Full-scale Russian invasion, 2022

2. Jail the corrupt → Jailed friends, but not the right way

3. Court reform → Shut down the Constitutional Court (locked it, lost the key)

4. Economy up → Devaluation -56%, national debt — $171.73 billion (106% of GDP!)

5. Support for business → Squeezed by taxes (businesses cry and laugh at the same time)

6. Honest privatization → Only for “our own” (honest, if you’re one of us)

7. For doctors and teachers → Promised. Still waiting at the bus stop

8. Diia and digitalization → Done. Overdone.

9. People’s power → Only on paper (paper can take anything)

10. One term → Went for a second… but without elections (a democracy achievement)

11. Hryvnia exchange rate → Was 27, now 42 (grab a calculator and count)

12. Financial freedom → Transfers locked (freedom — on a leash)

13. Mobilization → “Busification”: found — mobilized, not found — champion!

14. Demographics → 12 million left to watch from afar

15. Barbecues → Never happened. Hang in there.

16. Constitution → On pause. Endless.

17. Language → “Not speaking the language?” — you’re an enemy.

Digital Paradise, or Virtual Fence

What was called “progress” became a control panel for you:

• Passport, fine, tax — one click: kudos, Big Brother!

• Want to leave? Think again!

• Send money abroad? Good luck

• Don’t want mobilization? Expect visitors

Diia is not just a “state in your smartphone,” but a smartphone inside you that knows your liver by sight.

“They count, recount, and if needed — take away, because everything is in the button, and the button isn’t yours.”
— folk wisdom

Exit Ban: Digital Safari

Since February 2022, Ukrainian men can only leave the country in their dreams. No court needed, passport doesn’t help.

Papers in hand, but freedom — on a poster. Whether you’re a doctor or a student — hostage of gender 2.0.

Ukraine-2025: the first country in Europe where freedom of movement lives separately from its citizens.
No choice. No chance. No “bus to Poland.”

This is no longer democracy, but a digital cage.
North Korea with upgraded Wi-Fi.

Language: The Final Upgrade of Multilingualism

Zelensky came in as one of us: spoke Russian, promised language freedom. The result — fines, patrols, a dystopia for all.

Russian speaker? You’re the enemy. Everywhere: from the clinic to the trenches. Didn’t switch to Ukrainian — here’s your ticket out. The issue is solved in an original way.

Next comes polarization and “snitching” with an upgrade. People are ashamed of their native speech, reject their past — otherwise, not only will the airwaves be cut off, but life itself.

Congratulations: another “peremoha” on the shelf!

All that’s left is to rename cities, burn dictionaries, and give everyone just one word. Freedom is monolingualism.

Result: Endless Power, End of Freedom

No elections. No Constitution. No rights. No questions.
But there are glossy videos, UN shows, and a tight grip.
The president is not a servant. The people are not the master.

Bottom Line in One Sentence:

Of Zelensky’s 17 promises, only one worked. And even that one — against you.